What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
It takes a master to shoot a fly from a hundred Paces, but it takes a Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick one from a thousand.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
Two guys meet: "Where were you lost my friend? says one of them." "Well, I took my kids to the zoo..." "And what kind of animals did you see there?" "The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...” "Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”! "Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies?" "Well, I liked the book!"
What country do cows love to visit? Moo Zealand.