What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies.
What do cows like to listen to? Moo-sic.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano? A: Crabs on your organ.
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.