What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
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How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of Wit.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.
Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo: "I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote:
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk.
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice?
He was a sherbet!
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked.
"Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?"
"About two and a half feet."
"Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, “I think we’re in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?”
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, “I’ve got an idea. We’ll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours.”
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled the ribbons off while they were playing.”
“OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, “Oh no, I can’t tell whose puppy is whose. They’ve pulled their collars off while they were playing.”
“There’s got to be some way to tell them apart,” says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, “I know! Why don’t you take the black one and I’ll take the white one!”