How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A stripey sweater.
What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter? Deviled eggs.
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.