Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
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A guy goes into an antique shop.
He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat.
He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him.
He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is.
The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it.
The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat.
So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop.
After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around.
There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder.
He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run.
Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him.
He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river.
All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown.
The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop.
As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you?
The customer says no I didn't.
Have you got a brass Nigger?
Vote:
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet.
The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook."
"Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home."
Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice.
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman."
"What happened?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot.
"Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
What did the frog say to the fly?
You are really starting to bug me!
How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer them.
The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree.
Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them:
Who pulled out this tree from his root?
Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"
What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.