If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a bingo sign!
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
Vote:
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
A hare-cut.
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."