Joke #10711

What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers.

Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.

How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...

One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?" A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."

Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful, she had to sleep in cold back alleys where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. Earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.

What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay.

Why did the dinosaur have so few friends? Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!