Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.” Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful, next time?” “Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath’s mother died. You’d better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. NOT SO FAST, McGrath!”
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain...the snake died.
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.