Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks. So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about the contest. The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free beer on the house. So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing! EEEHHH! He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of beer. As he is about to leave the Bartender ask him, "Will you be back tomorrow when we'll have a new contest?" The guy replies" Of course this is easier money than my career." So the next night. The guy walks into the Bar with a large smile and reads the sign next to the Horse: Whoever makes the Horse cry will win P10,000 and free beer from the house. The Bartender tells the guy," Let me see you win this one." The guy approaches the Horse and shows him something. The Horse starts rolling on the ground and crying. When the guy goes to claim his prize. The Bartender says." Before I pay you, You have to tell me what you did to the horse?" The guy lights a cigarette and says," Easy the first time, I told the Horse that my penis is larger than his, the second time I showed him."
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness.” The man says, “Well, thank you. I forgive you.” The parrot then says, “If you don’t mind my asking, what did the chicken do?”
"I’m in a big trouble!" "Why is that?" "I saw a mouse in my house!" "Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap." "I don’t have one." "Well then, buy one." "Can’t afford one." "I can give you mine if you want." "That sounds good." "All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap." "I don’t have any cheese." "Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap." "I don’t have oil." "Well, then put only a small piece of bread." "I don’t have bread." "Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"