What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.
What looks like half a cat? The other half.
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit. “Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
What's black and white and green? A frog sitting on a newspaper.
A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until... ...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away. Moral Lessons 1. Be kind to Animals 2. Always keep your thoughts clean...
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.