What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elkaseltzer.
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.
After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, "
All right, now give me my money!"
The Koala replied, "
Money, what for?" "
What for?", the Prostitute growled,
"Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says."
So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary.
It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex."
" Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says."
So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary.
It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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