What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
Bears do not eat bears. Tigers do not eat tigers. Dogs do not eat dogs. Cats stopped eating kebabs.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef.
How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.