Chuck Norris never reads the News – because Chuck Norris IS the News.
Chuck Norris caught them all with one PokeBall.
Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
Chuck Norris was supposed to make a cameo appearence in "Full House" but he was let off because he wanted to rename the show "Roundhouse."
Chuck Norris can set water on fire. He can also set fire on water.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris actually died a while back. Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.
Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.