Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...? "It's open."
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice!
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Knock-knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!"
Fan: "I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What's it for?¨" Athlete: "It's for telling knock knock jokes." Fan: "And what's that gold medal for?" Athlete: "For stopping."