What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a gama of cherades. ...Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"