Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife.
"Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning.
That's how tough his beard is.
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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure.
Chuck Norris goes killing.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris walked right into Area 51, bought a Snapple, and walked out.
No one dared to move.
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When Chuck Norris has your back you aren't likely to get it back again.
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When Google has a question Chuck Norris always knows it.
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Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books.
The words assemble themselves out of fear.
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, but he still managed to walk it off.
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