Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? A: CSI
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
A guy's walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and two blonde genies come out. They tell him they'll grant him any three wishes he wants. So he makes his wishes... he wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he's ever seen and he'd just made love to all of them. Then he walks outta the bed and opens a treasure chest filled with more money than you could ever imagine... then two KKK members come riding in on horses, throw a noose over a tree and hang him... The KKK members take off their masks and its the two blonde genies one of them says to the other: "I can understand why he wanted to sleep with all the women, I know why he wanted a chest full of money... but I can't figure out why the hell he would wanna be hung like a nigger..."
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.