Joke #11343

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: nerd, family

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: nerd, animal
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Vote: has 84.80 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, family, kids, beauty
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, IT, nerd
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Vote: has 86.32 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, bar, bartender, nerd
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
Vote: has 37.27 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, family, age
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, family, death
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, math, hunting, nerd
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: coding, computer, IT, nerd
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Vote: has 46.53 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, teacher, death, family, sex
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Vote: has 71.33 % from 254 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, family, work