Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
Q: Why did the boy come first in the 100 metre sprint? A: He had athlete's foot.
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist? A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."