Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.
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Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another.
The elephants were connected trunk to tail.
They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000.
B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
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How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
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Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
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April doesn't fool Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fools April.
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I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.
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Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea?
A: One shucks between fits.
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Fill someone's hair-dryer with baby powder.
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