Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet? It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?" Patient: "What pills?"