Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
The Boyfriend says to his blonde girlfriend, "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the sky and says "Where?"
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”
Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote. He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.