Joke #11571

Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, Halloween

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
Vote: has 80.51 % from 5429 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, doctor, love, animal, doctor
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, Halloween, food
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, Halloween, black humor, teen
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Halloween, death
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, doctor, food, death
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer, Halloween, Christmas, geek
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor, drug
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Halloween, black humor
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
Vote: has 71.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, work
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Halloween, men, accountant, mean, kids