Joke #11603

I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
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has 82.69 % from 161 votes. More jokes about: death, mother in law

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Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
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has 81.46 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
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has 71.35 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
Knock, knock Who's there? I'm Mr, Farter. Mr, Farter who? I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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has 67.91 % from 350 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, knock-knock, mother in law
One night my mother in law came to our home. In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC. She farted. I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
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has 72.37 % from 639 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, mother in law, terrorist, war
Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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has 82.06 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: family, life, mean, mother in law
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride. "Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance." Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him. "It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye. "Holy cow", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?" "I just don't like her", she replied.
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has 82.37 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: family, mean, mother in law, wedding
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
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has 73.68 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, men
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, food, life
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 72.57 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny