"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
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Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
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Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
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By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead.
And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.
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