Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives. They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.
Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.