The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the second fan. "If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team."
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common? A: No Cubs
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep. I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any. Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s. I tried. But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Because all the fans have left.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees." Dave Letterman