Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
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Now, that's gotta be a hell of a thing to go to jail for cable.
You in there with mass murderers and everybody.
"What you in here for?"
"I killed six people. What you in here for?"
"Comedy Central."