Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?
A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
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The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a Nazi turd.
He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a ****-head.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care.
We came into town by bus.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
How do elephants hide in the jungle?
Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries!
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys eating cherries...