I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
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Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
A husband and wife go to a restaurant.
The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
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Q: How did the sand get wet?
A: The sea weed!
How do you suffocate a nigger?
Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
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