What do you call a turtle with a hard on?
A slow poke.
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A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
What's green and red?
A very mad frog.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn.
He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat.
He could only take one across at a time.
He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn.
How did he get them all safely over the stream?
He took the goose over first and came back.
Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back.
Next he took the corn over.
He came back alone and took the goose.
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice.
Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
What's at the end of Moby Dick?
A whale of a time.
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”