Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
The square root of Pain is Chuck Norris.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Knock-knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
Q:What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. The philosopher can do without the trash bin.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."