Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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Chuck Norris doesn't pay the government, the government pays him.
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Chuck Norris can spell the longest word in the English language with only three letters.
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When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
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Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse.
They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge.
The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal.
When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed.
"You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game.
"What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds.
Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down.
He turned to face the steaming quarterback.
The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate.
It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
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