What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down." The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country." The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?" The man replies, "No my dog doesn't." The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the other.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."