Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground".
So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"
The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".
George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says "How can you tell?".
George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless".
That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry:
They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
Chuck Norris takes a meteor shower in the morning to freshen up.
Vote:
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.
One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was.
The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O".
The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?"
The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.
Vote:
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room...
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.