What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
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A doctor asks a patient while examining her:
How many sex partners did you have?
5 or 6, don't remember exactly..
Hmm, not that many...
Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.
What do you call men who use the pull out method?
Fathers.
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Good: Your daughter has got a new job.
Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Very ugly: She makes more money than you.
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$.
He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room.
Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again.
"What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position".
The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.
Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean.
They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex.
He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean.
His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner.
Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.