Joke #1389

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men

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A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
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Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
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A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
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Man: Great idea, bad design.
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Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: age, men, wife
Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
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has 57.52 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, men, party, women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!" They each continue on their way, and ... as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ... and dies immediately. If only men would listen...
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has 75.24 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, men, women