Joke #1407

Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
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has 44.97 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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has 64.22 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, god, Valentines day
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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has 54.86 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, masturbation
Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder!
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride. A truck driver picks them up. After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, "Please sir can I fart?" The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares." So the gay guy goes "POOF". Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof''. Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?" The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow. The fart was huge and smelly and loud. The gay men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."
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has 50.06 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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has 67.47 % from 355 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, lawyer, lesbian
Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, disgusting, drunk, money
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
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has 44.48 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
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has 70.76 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: disgusting