What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
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Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon.
Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages.
When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.
After two hours, she stopped nagging and said, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
There once was a fellow from Kent
Who had such a long instrument.
To stay out of trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of coming he went.
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be.
What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner.
He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”