Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.