Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest..
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas.
The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down."
The man is incredulous and asks why.
The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
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