Now there's a rack I'd like to be stretched out on.
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other? A: Nothing. They have never met.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are riding in an elevator, when they see a small puddle in the corner. The brunette looks at it. "That's definitely cum," she says. The redhead touches it. "That's definitely cum," she says. The blonde takes a little taste. "That's definitely cum, but nobody in our building."
Two gays Rupert and Cecil are lying in bed together Rupert starts rubbing vaseline on his chest. Cecil ask, "What you doing?"" Rupert said, "I read that vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest. Cecil said, "Don't be fucking stupid, if that was true I would have a ponytail sticking out of my arse..."
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.
What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "firetruck"! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!
Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"