Joke #1797

Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: women

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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain." "Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" She told him earnestly. "ohh No, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain". She began to massage his groin. After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?" The man looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ... but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: golf, sport, women
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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has 55.40 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, terrorist, women
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need. A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.
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has 71.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: men, women
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
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has 41.36 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, sex, women
Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: insulting, science, women
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 80.98 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
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has 40.09 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: men, women
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act. With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
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has 81.90 % from 359 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, wife, women
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: women
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
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has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: phone, women