Joke #201

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Somebody knocks on door: Who is there? Police? What do you want? We want to talk. How many of you are there? Two. So talk with each other.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"

Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay." I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, "Yeah, sure." I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not." I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"

Q: How did the hail stone describe its life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.

It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat.