What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Can I help you? No. I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs: "Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Life is like a box of chocolate. It doesn't last long for fat people.
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''