Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 
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Once Chuck Norris rubbed a magical lamp, nothing came out.
The genie ain't stupid.
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Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
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When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat , he dosn't hit water...
That's because Chuck Norris would never fall out of a boat it the first place.
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Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
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Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored
And decided to carve a sculpture with only his
Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called....
Mount Rushmore.
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Everytime a star explodes, it's because one of Chuck Norris's victims just landed there after being round-house kicked.
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