Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence. After a while he asks surprised: Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs? Because I used only one leg for the stock.
The mommy Cobra with her little son are taking a “walk”. The little cobra asks; "Mommy, are we poisonous?" "Yes, we are. Why you ask?" The little cobra asks again; "Are you sure that we’re poisonous?" "Yes I am!" says the mom with pride. The little one asks again; "Are you very very sure that we’re very poisonous?" "Damn sure! We’re the most poisonous snakes in the whole world! But why you ask?" The little cobra burst into tears; "Cause I bit my tongue a bit before!"
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?" The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn"t it?"
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.