Joke #2283

What's green and red? A very mad frog.

Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!

What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.

Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

What is the slowest racehorse in the world? A clotheshorse.

Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.

What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?" "Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose." "Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?" "Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender. "THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!" "Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?" "Ruff!" "What are you tryin' to pull, mister?" "Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?" "Ruth." The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy. "Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.

Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.