Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.
Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he cant hear you.
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse? A: An Arab mechanic.
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.