A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden.
Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says:
Mama, is that you?
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A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man bent down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it.
So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?
Rudolph the well hung reindeer,
Had a great enormous cock,
All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock,
All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small,
Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all,
Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong...
Fuck my arsehole all night long!"
Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say,
"Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
Vote:
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."