Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo. Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny. Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that! Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon? A hare dare.
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk? An udder failure.