In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister.
The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming.
She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."
Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed.
Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.
"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable.
I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."
Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation.
Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do.
So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"
In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride.
A truck driver picks them up.
After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, "Please sir can I fart?"
The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares."
So the gay guy goes "POOF".
Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof''.
Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?"
The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow.
The fart was huge and smelly and loud.
The gay men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."
Vote:
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.
The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"
So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.
The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...
The captain comes along with his swagger stick.
He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.
"No, Sir!" came the reply.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.
He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.
"Did THAT hurt?"
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom.
Man says, "WTF?"
Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
Vote:
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman
"Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow!
you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Darn!
Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
What do you call a truck full of dildos?
Toys for Twats.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.
Vote:
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.
Q: What do a gay and a garbage truck have in common?
A: Both take it in the rear.